Do you ever find yourself feeling a bit too extroverted in the world full of introverts rising up? Do you ever wish you could just stay at home and be content rather than needing so much external stimulation? Are you tired of all the small talk and yearn for deeper conversations?
Then I have the solutions!
Here are my top ten tips to become more introverted.
1) Go out in nature (alone of course)
When you’re out in nature nice and alone with only the trees and woodland animals or beach sand and waves for company, take the time to notice how you feel.
It may be difficult at first and you may feel like you’re fighting against your extroverted tendencies, but don’t give in!
Go within and notice how you feel wherever you are. Feel it emotionally as well as physically. Notice any sensations in your body.
Notice what you can see, hear, smell, and touch (maybe taste isn’t the smartest one to be trialling). With all your available senses, get in touch with the land and with your body and then with your internal workings.
2) Say “no” more to social invitations and curl up and read a book at home instead – or do anything other than go out
When someone calls inviting you out, it can be tempting to leave your house and go to the party. But when you feel the pull of socialising, just stop, breathe, and say a firm, no thank you.
There are many ways to say no to social events, as hard as this may be.
Once you’ve said no and made a commitment to stay in, make yourself a cup of your favourite beverage (tea is always good), and select a good book after much deliberation and excitement at spending a night in reading – you may want to spend a good amount of time selecting a book from your hefty stash of books, especially that inviting stack of all the unread ones that you’ve been wanting to read for a while now.
Now you may read and enjoy your beverage, knowing that you’re not missing out on anything by not leaving the house. This is your quiet sacred time. Honour it.
3) If you must go to a party or other social gathering, make it quick and have an escape plan
Sometimes going to a social gathering is unfortunately necessary. When this happens, make sure that you only stay for the bare minimum of socially acceptable time before making an excuse and departing.
Some escape phrases you can use whenever you need to make a speedy exit from a place or conversation are:
- Excuse me I must visit the restroom
- That’s very interesting but I’m going to have to step out for some fresh air
- It’s been lovely to meet you, I must be going now
- Well I’ve enjoyed this event, I’ll be leaving now but I hope you continue to have a wonderful evening
- I’ve had a wonderful time, I must get to my next social engagement now (even if that is with your cat, a cup of tea and a book or movie)
You may choose to travel to the social event in your own car if you like so you can get away when you want. You may walk around the room for the duration looking as though you’re walking somewhere to avoid any small talk. You may hold the same glass of alcohol for the entirety of the function and pretend to be sipping it – even if you don’t drink alcohol. You may like to engage in people watching or ponder why people actually enjoy these things.
Small talk is to be engaged in in small doses. If it’s an indoor function, going outside periodically to “get some fresh air” is advised and encouraged.
No matter how much cajoling happens, you are not to be making any speeches or be put on the spot as the centre of attention. Make yourself unavailable for these obligations. You are there and that is enough.
However you would like to approach a social event you simply can’t get out of, just make an appearance, do what you need to do socially and make a quick departure.
4) Phone calls? Ignore them and text back or email instead
You may at some point receive a phone call. This is unfortunately an inevitable part of being human in well-to-do locations all over the world.
It may be exciting to consider answering the call and actually talking to an actual person. It may also be exciting knowing that you can be contactable at any time, and therefore expected to always be available. So many people to connect with and so little time you may be thinking!
Hold the phone though. When it rings, leave it, no matter how much you want to pick it up (unless it’s urgent about a pressing matter, then that is an exception).
Let whoever is calling leave you a message. Listen to the message. Then once you have decided what you want to say (after much overthinking and ruminating), send them a text message in response. If it’s appropriate, you may want to opt for an email back instead.
5) Avoid small talk and have deep conversations
To be more introverted, you must be near-allergic to small talk, or only engage in this in very small quantities when absolutely necessary for conversational flow.
Deep conversations should be sought out with introspective individuals who typically engage in in depth thinking and analysis (and navel-gazing at times).
6) Opt for solitary hobbies and down time
While you may be used to engaging in hobbies for the social aspect that involve more than two individuals, it’s recommended when striving to be more introverted to opt for solitary hobbies. These can include but are certainly not limited to art, solo hiking, walking or running, writing, photography of non-human subjects, any kind of craft, and/or cooking.
Online gaming and e-sports might be a wonderful avenue for you to make friends virtually in a risk free setting from the comfort of your own space.
When learning a new skill, never mind about going to a class or engaging with people, simply hop online or on YouTube and find a suitable teacher. No socialising necessary, and if there is, it’s in a non-threatening way on your own terms.
7) Have just a few close friends
Rather than having many many superficial friendships, try to maintain just a few close friendships where deep conversations and respect for quietness and alone time are accepted, celebrated and encouraged.
It’s the quality rather than the quantity when it comes to friendships and any interpersonal relationships.
8) Need to have a difficult conversation? Write a letter
If you find yourself needing to express yourself to another person and it’s a difficult topic of conversation or a delicate matter, opt instead to write a letter so you can think about and overanalyse the words you write to death before finally broaching the topic with them through writing.
Bringing a letter you’ve pre-written with all your important points on it to address with the person is highly encouraged if you find you have to have a face to face meeting to discuss the matter.
Be prepared and opt for the written word, letter or email, where possible.
9) Take your time when making decisions
Need to make a decision? Make sure you think and overanalyse the choices into the ground. Really think, ruminate, overthink, make a cup of tea, think while you’re sipping that tea, go for a walk (alone obviously) and think some more.
When you’ve exhausted yourself thinking about the choices and running those through round and round the mulberry bush of your mind, think some more.
If you have trouble coming to a decision even after all that thinking, you may want to toss a coin, or gather the opinions of your few close friends and family, then talk to your cat about the matter.
When you have as many outside opinions as you can get (so you can overthink those too), then is the time to make your decision having carefully overthought and weighed all the facts and emotions in the matter.
Carefully consider all decisions and take your time.
10) Spend more time with animals than with people
My final tip for shaking off that extroversion and embracing a more introverted lifestyle, is to spend more time with animals and your own self than with other human beings.
You’d be surprised what wisdom the animals have to share with us if we’re willing to listen and learn from them.
Final Thoughts
Please share your thoughts in the comments below; do you have any additional tips to share with extroverted people to help them become more introverted?
Much love introvert and keep hermiting on,
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