It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Dust off your Michael Buble and Mariah Carey CDs people (do you hear what I hear? It’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ for the hundredth time!).
For the introverts among us and myself included, oh holy night it can be a big season with all the festivities that we genuinely enjoy, but also the obligations and expectations to navigate. For some introverts, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but for others, it can be a struggle.
The extroverts in our families may look at our preference for solitude especially around the festive season (surprise surprise, introversion doesn’t go on a holiday to be replaced by extroversion just because it’s Christmas, any more than chronic illness, neurodivergence or mental ill-health does), and think to themselves, do they know it’s Christmas? And of course we know it’s Christmas, we’re just enjoying this festive season in our own unique ways.
Just because we may prefer a silent night, it doesn’t mean we’re being hostile or rude. It’s all about enjoying the festive season of togetherness in a way that honours our true quiet natures. If anyone mistakes us for Frosty the Snowman then that’s their responsibility.
Last Christmas I had a wonderful time because I balanced my family festive time with some solitary recharging time. This Christmas I plan to do the same. I’ll be home for Christmas (in the country), and am looking forward to the quiet festivities.
Where I live in Australia, we don’t have a snowy white Christmas, because instead of the day falling in the bleak midwinter, it’s summer. Instead of a winter wonderland we usually have moderate to extreme heat to manage – I don’t cope very well in the heat as it is, and would much prefer to let it snow let it snow let it snow. At the time of writing this we’ve yet to deck the halls and decorate the house with the holly and the ivy, silver bells, angels from the realms of glory and the Christmas tree with sentimental decorations that come out once a year. Very soon though.
On a personal note (and I mention this because maybe it’ll help you if you tend to struggle around the festive season in similar ways), I had a pretty rough time a few years ago and ended up not attending our usual Christmas lunch for a couple of years in a row. Like I said earlier, neurodivergence, mental ill-health and chronic illness doesn’t just take a back seat and disappear with the sound of jingle bells.
The first nowell that I didn’t attend caused me to feel a lot of guilt, coming from internally and externally, as I grappled with social pressures in the face of chronic illness (mental and physical). I wanted to attend this shindig with family, but really needed to listen to my body and not do the thing. This has been, for me, one of the hardest parts of navigating various mental and physical health issues; the contrasting expectations and feelings of others and the needs of my body and self. So in this sense, Christmas can be a tricky time to navigate.
The following year I didn’t attend the Christmas lunch because I had the flu and felt extremely rough. Not at all in the mood for rockin’ around the Christmas tree and the flu is not what I wanted to give everyone for Christmas. Despite this, the pressure to go along to something even if you’re a risk to others was apparent to me, and I again felt as though others thought not attending due to the flu was a selfish and weak ‘cop-out’ and made others look bad – as an aside, one thing I actually thought was good about the covid thing is that it’s got people to stop with that stupid “soldier on” mentality to do things even if they’re contagious af and going to get everyone else sick; the badge of honour of being out and about and still trucking along when we’re sick needs to go. Honestly it’s long overdue. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer wasn’t the only one with a bright shiny nose that Christmas.
As long as you have yourself a merry little Christmas, as I did feeling totally out of it on the verge of hallucinating and listening to carol of the bells a few too many times, be okay with where you’re at and what you’re doing or not doing. No matter what anyone else says and the potential guilt-tripping, have a Feliz Navidad your way.
Even if you opt to spend Christmas on your own, or in the company of a few, you can definitely still have a holly jolly Christmas. Keep other people in mind, but ultimately you need to do you, especially where introversion, neurodivergence, mental and/or physical chronic illness, and grief are concerned. Honour your feelings because they’re important and valid. Honour your natural inclinations because they’re important and valid.
I figure at the end of the day (and Christmas season) I’m the one going to be dealing with the fatigue, exhaustion, grumpiness, gut issues, and all the other fun stuff that comes with overdoing it for the sake of others and expectations, so I really need to heed my body’s signals and honour them while doing the whole Christmas thing.
If you do decide to spend 12 days of Christmas (or however long) with family and loved ones, if anyone disrespects you or you feel uncomfortable, run Rudolph run; you don’t need to deal with that crap.
That being said, I know that it brings joy to the world of many introverts the fact that Santa Claus is coming to town, because their families are a major source of support (and maybe all introverted themselves!) with minimal drama. Hark the herald angels sing this is what we all want as introverts isn’t it. Just a quiet Christmas celebrated in our own way on our terms with people/beings we love or on our own.
Oh come all ye faithful introverts for a sleigh ride into the festive season with some optimism and healthy boundaries. The last point I have before I wrap up is this: We need some healthy boundaries just as much as we need a little Christmas. Right this very minute and season. Before you go into a potentially dramatic and dysregulating situation, make sure your boundaries and sense of self is jingle bell rock solid.
Enjoy this festive season (or get through it as best you can) and God rest ye merry gentlemen introverts,
P.S. How many Christmas songs/titles can you spot in this post? Let me know!
Note: No copyright infringement intended, Christmas song titles are included purely for comedic value.
P.P.S. I’ll be taking a bit of a break from blogging to work on promoting the thing, prioritise my health, and create time to do my bit for the animals, but I’ll be back next year with more articles.
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